my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
