did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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