On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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