pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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