I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
