Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
