Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
