So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
