hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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