I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize