I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
