Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
