Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
