glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
