For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
only you would photoshop your dick
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
