I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
