I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
