I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
