There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
