why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
