i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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