My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
