Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
