whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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