Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
