and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
