so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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