My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
