Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
