It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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