it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
