FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
