Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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