i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize