the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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