I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The ass gains better be worth it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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