i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
