If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
