There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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