last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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