Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
