Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
