I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
