No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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