Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
