Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
