It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
