I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
