She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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