Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
