It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
