Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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