I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
