I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
