Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
