apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
