I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
