my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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