somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
