And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
