Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
