Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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