Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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