At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
