i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
