she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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