Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
