We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
