I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
3 2 1 whiskey
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize