Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
