My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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