Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
