so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
