No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize