you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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