Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
