what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
