God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
